When you start a new relationship, you have to ask yourself many questions, including this one: how do I know if this is the right person/partner for me?
How do you know if it’s the right one?
Behind this short question hide many goals and /or dreams of life: is it the man or woman of my life? will it make me happy? Will he be a good father? etc …
I offer two complementary methods that will let you know if your new partner is the right person for you.
Reminder: I often address the women in this article (as in others for that matter) for simplicity of writing and because they are in the majority on my site but this article is also intended for men.
METHOD 1: ASK YOURSELF THE BASIC QUESTIONS
The first is to ask yourself a series of questions to which you must have a majority of positive answers:
1. Am I myself when I am with him?
The error would be to play a role to please him (attention: if you systematically play a role, it is not linked to your partners but to low self-esteem. In this case, I recommend this article: 10 SUREFIRE WAYS TO BOOST YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE
2. Does he want to be with me?
The mistake would be to want to stay with someone who shows no interest in you, who has no feelings or who is only looking for coitus when you want more than that.
3. Does he want the same type of story as me?
Do you want a long-term love and relationship but he only wants to have fun? Don’t say the opposite of what you want and hope it changes your mind. You will attach yourself and he will leave you when you put pressure on him.
4. Does he have a life goal or an ideal of life compatible with mine?
If his dream is to live in South America while you want to live in France, one of you will be frustrated and the relationship will suffer.
5. Are our life values close?
If you are simple and generous but his only concern is money and power, your differences will widen a gap in your relationship.
6. Do we understand each other?
If you need to talk and solve the difficulties of your relationship but they keep themselves like an oyster in each conversation, your relationship will not work. You have to communicate to be able to overcome difficulties together.
You can, of course, ask yourself other questions but start with these because they are important.
METHOD 2: DEFINE THE CRITERIA FOR AN IDEAL RELATIONSHIP
Why define the criteria?
Defining criteria will allow you to know what is essential for you in the relationship and in your loved one. As we will see later, this list of criteria may need to evolve.
And to define this list, the first question to ask yourself is what to expect from a relationship. If you want to be happy in love but don’t know what you’re looking for, you’ll end up in relationships where you won’t be happy.
So you have to determine which relationship you want to live with and with what type of partners. And most importantly, you need to determine what type of relationship you don’t want. And of course, you must respect what you have set for yourself.
For example, would you accept a relationship as someone’s lover or mistress?
If you don’t set your limits clearly today, it could happen. It is no coincidence that I give this example. I know men and women who have been in this situation for years and who are unhappy.
So define what you want, what you don’t want and meet your criteria.
The importance of our selection criteria
When defining what you want, it is important to ask yourself some questions. Examples:
- What type of men or women do you want?
- Is the type of partner that attracts you the one that really suits you?
- What are these qualities that you expect?
You have to ask yourself these questions and write them down to keep track, this is important. Be careful of course not to have a ton of criteria. There are important criteria and others that are less important. It’s up to you to choose them well.
Over time, I noticed that we need a few criteria but that the choice of these criteria is important because if we focus on the wrong criteria, we make the wrong choices.
For this reason, I think that you should only have criteria related to the values and personality of your ideal partner.
If that can help you, here is what I consider the most important in a relationship with my husband: he is simple, honest, sincere, loving, caring, responsible, faithful, sensitive. In addition, I trust him.
I did not mention the physical criteria. I do not recommend putting them on your list. This is useless since we all carry out a natural selection based on the physical.
In addition, it is rare to fall in love with someone who doesn’t physically please us.
The flexibility of our criteria
We may have to modify our criteria. An example: you come across the ideal man but… he doesn’t want to get married!
He wants to move in with you, have a child with you but he doesn’t want to get married when you want to and it was on your list (how many women would not have indicated it ???).
Are you going to leave this man and find another man who wants to get married but who does not share the same values as you? Or are you going to make a concession and do without marriage?
In short, you will probably have to make concessions on certain criteria.
This is not a problem in itself unless you make many compromises. This means either that you are not with the right person, or that you have not written your list of criteria in the right way (too many criteria, or choice of criteria which are not so important in the end-,…).
It is also a problem if you make a concession on a criterion that is essential to your happiness in the long term. Example: you absolutely want a child, he does not want one.
A small warning for women: do not go out with someone thinking they will change their minds! If you have a need and choose a partner who cannot meet that need, it will not work.
So, ladies, you will not change your partner, so choose the one that suits you rather than the one with which you will not be happy.
AN IMPORTANT REMINDER
I will also recall two fundamental elements in the search for our ideal partner:
- If you are not happy with yourself, you will not be happier as a couple. It is not your partner who must fill the void within you. Give meaning to your life outside of your relationship rather than believing that it is your partner who will make you happy.
- If you have high expectations and high standards, be level. In other words, looking for someone perfect when you aren’t is not going to get you anywhere.
SO…HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE/SHE IS THE RIGHT PERSON?
I think the right person is the one who just fits our criteria.
But for that, you must, of course, define what are your criteria. However, the majority of people go out with the first comer just to reassure themselves or for fear of being single. Then they stay with this partner who is not necessarily the good one for fear also.
Some people will say that they work on instinct. I have of course made impulsive choices on instinct. I now know, with hindsight, that they are only physical and that they are more like passionate love than real love.
Of course, not all instinctive choices fail in the short term. Fortunately, there is always a chance that an instinctive choice will work over the long term, but you must identify in the months following your relationship whether your partner is for you or not.
For this, it is important to keep in mind the questions mentioned at the beginning of the article, in particular, that of not needing to play a role to be loved.
I think that the right person is also the one who shares our values, as I mentioned earlier.
She/He must also be honest and sincere because a relationship marked by manipulation or lies cannot lead to happiness in a couple. And the last thing, the good person is especially the one who loves you and wants to be with you.
While the number one criterion is to get in touch with someone we love and who loves us. It’s the minimum you can expect from a relationship.
And you, when you meet someone, how do you know if he/she is the right person for you? Feel free to leave a comment or a testimonial below! Thank you.
PS: There’s a relationship “secret ingredient” that a man craves in order to feel intense, committed love. Without it, he will always keep one foot out the door. Most women, and men for that matter, are not aware it even exists. It’s what separates “like” from “love.” So when it’s missing, a man might be attracted to a woman and even tell her that he loves her, but he’ll always wonder if she really is “The One.” In this video, you will about to discover how to use this “secret ingredient” and how you can use it to attract and commit the man of your dreams.
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