Guest Post by Lynette – 29 Signs You Are In A Healthy Relationship.
I recently wrote an article explaining 11 things to look out for as they are signs you are in a toxic relationship, but it made me realise that it would be good to also write an article on what a healthy relationship looks like.
I have been in a bad relationship, and I have been on the receiving end of some very toxic behaviour. When I left that relationship I felt like I had been released from prison! I felt free, like I could suddenly breathe, there was the weight that had been removed from my chest, so I felt lighter somehow.
Don’t get me wrong, it was scary to be single suddenly.
And often, when a couple splits up, you have a tendency to also “divide” your friends, friends who only hang out with other couple friends, friends who side with your ex, and a handful of friends that is on your side. Your world becomes so much smaller overnight but you also realise who your TRUE friends are. Those are the ones you should make an effort with.
The first few months were hard; I’m not going to lie.
I think I was permanently drunk for 6 weeks! I know! Looking back now I’m as shocked as you. But gradually I started to heal, I got some plants, I got a hobby (I learned to sew and now sew most of my own clothes, it’s creative and practical all at the same time), I made new friends, I put my name forward at work for promotion (then worked very hard and got it, YES!), and I got a pay-rise (double YES!).
Altogether, I really grew as a person.
I learned to love myself, and care about my own well-being. It’s a strange thought I know, but think about it, do you really care about your own well-being? I realised that I wasn’t really very nice to myself in the past, and that I almost always put the needs of others before mine, mostly because I didn’t think that I deserved to be prioritized.
It was an incredible journey of self-development and personal growth and to this day I am so proud of myself for doing it, for going on that journey and sticking it out till the end.
And the best thing of all?
It made me the person I am today.
And THAT person met the most wonderful man, a man that loves me 100%, that doesn’t want to change any part of me, a man that treats me with respect because I treat myself with respect. I know believe that I DO deserve to be loved, my needs and wants SHOULD be prioritized, things I didn’t necessarily believe in before.
Looking back I realize that without that growth, as difficult as it was for me to go through, I would not be in this wonderful relationship with such an amazing person.
It’s like I first had to learn to love and respect myself before I could find someone to love and respect me too.
In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the lack of both that meant my last boyfriend didn’t treat me with respect, or loved me 100%. And it’s not his fault, why should I expect him to love me when I don’t love myself. I mean think about it, it makes no sense to have an expectation of someone that you do not have of yourself.
Anyway, I feel so blessed! My relationship is healthy and strong and based on respect for each other. We build each other up and we listen patiently to each other no matter how tired we are. We never say bad things to each other, and when you do accidently get it wrong, because no-one is perfect, sometimes you hurt the other person by accident, we use it as an opportunity to learn and grow and reaffirm our commitment to each other.
If he is upset, I am upset.
If he is happy, I am happy.
And that goes both ways, I know he feels the same way about me.
And since I now consider myself an expert on what a Healthy Relationship should look like, I’ve decided to write it all down.
My hope is that by seeing what a relationship CAN be like, you can grow your own relationship, or find your own love and happiness.
I really do just want everyone around me to be happy and loved at all times. So if I can help in any way, then I feel I have to, it’s like a moral obligation almost.
29 Signs You Are In A Healthy Relationship
- Your partner treats you with respect.
- He/she never puts you down, only even builds you up.
- Your partner has your back and praises you to other people.
- If you are happy or sad, they are happy or sad.
- When you explain that you have a problem with something they have done or said, they listen patiently and immediately apologize, then take steps to make it right, and they work hard to never do it again.
- They listen to you patiently, even when you are slightly drunk and ranting about nonsense.
- They make you feel safe and cared for.
- You enjoy spending time with each other, chatting, laughing at each other’s jokes, talking through problems.
- Neither of you mind if the other person goes out with her/his friends because you TRUST each other.
- You don’t have eyes for anyone else.
- You can talk to each other calmly when you are upset, each listening with real care and attention to the other person’s point of view.
- You NEVER say nasty or mean things to each other, no matter how upset you are.
- You both feel you must be the first to apologize or make up for any problems or misunderstandings.
- Even when your partner says something you find hurtful, you don’t get upset, because you know and trust that they didn’t mean to hurt you, that it was an honest mistake, and you simply mention it in passing then move on.
- You tell each other EVERYTHING. You have no secrets.
- You treat each other with RESPECT.
- There’s nothing you would change about each other. You both accept each other 100%.
- You want to make the other person happy and you know and believe that they want to make you happy.
- Neither of you feel you do or give more in the relationship than the other person.
- You help each other out with shared duties or chores. Each doing their bit without complaint because you are a team.
- Your parents and friends like your partner because it’s obvious to them this person treats you with kindness and respect.
- You never complain to your friends about your relationship or partner, because there is nothing to complain about.
- You check in with each other during the day, making sure the other person is OK and doing well.
- You write little love notes for each other, or give little surprise gifts for no reason than you want to.
- You give each other space without feeling threatened.
- You are willing to compromise.
- You let things go. Because after all you KNOW the other person cares about you and your happiness.
- You support and encourage each other’s dreams and goals and ambitions.
- You admire each other in every way.
I thought very hard about adding one more thing just to make the list a nice round 30 but I think 29 is a good start already, don’t you think?
Remember, don’t be afraid to hold out for the perfect person, I genuinely believe there is someone for all of us.
But even more importantly, learn to love yourself first, otherwise how can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t think you are good enough to be loved?
As always, all of my love. I believe in you.
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Thank you so much!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After learning how and changing my own mindset, it is my mission in life to help others become their best self, positive, confident, happy and successful! 💕
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