Confessions Of A Single Mom and Still Single, Busy or Too Picky?
When I was still new here in Bangkok, when new friends will ask me ” are you single? my answer is nope, I am married but separated. There follow-up question so you have someone new now? I said none. They said” so you are single”.
Hmmm, back home and during my time, Single is a marital status which means unmarried and is not defined as loveless. Nowadays, Single is now used to describe to someone who is not involved in a romantic relationship which includes not only marriage but dating as well …
“In Legal Term, a single person is someone who is not married, not part of a civil union. While Single mom is a mother who has a dependent child but is unmarried, widowed or divorced”.
In a recent Statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau in 2018, above 80% of single-parent families are single mothers and the main reason of being a single mom is Divorced. This number does happened not only in the US but across the world especially in Asia and involves two reasons by choice or by circumstances.
Before, becoming a single mom is not by choice but mostly as fate. Untimely pregnancy, your boyfriend is not ready to become a father or your irresponsible husband left leaving you with your children.
The parting ways is not the painful part but raising your child alone. However, women nowadays (like you and me) changed the common description of being demure. You are now fearless, resilient, empowered and thus you choose to be a single mom than being in a wrong relationship.
Here’s the Confessions Of A Single Mom and Still Single, Busy or Too Picky?
Life of A Single Mom
Is not easy. You will raise alone your children. Physically is just the same as you always look after your children even before. Morally is hard.
How can you teach your children to respect and love their father when he does not support and care? So you play the role of being a father and a mother at the same time to show to your children you are there. Hoping that you have filled the hole caused by the decision you do not want to happen but it must.
The most burdened part is you are left without financial support and if there is, it is not enough to give your children a simple yet quality life they deserved.
All in your mind now is to give them a good future no matter what happened. So you work harder to feed, cloth and send them to a good school.
Sometimes, in your pursuit to seek for a greener pasture not for yourself but for your children, you leave them too. Whether they understand why you left or not, it does not matter.
The important is you can send them your financial support. Really, not easy yet you always show your best smile pretending you are fine but deep inside you are tired and feel alone.
But even if you feel this sadness, you continue to be strong because you have no choice but to be because of them and your children are your strength.
Busy or Too Picky
When you are raising your family alone, you forgot you have life too to enjoy not tomorrow but today. You are busy to every thing and to any thing, to make ends meet.
You do not have time to socialize because all in your mind, work, work and work. So when friends asked your love life, you will say ” I am Single” because you have no time to meet someone or in your mind, it is just a waste of your time.
Or perhaps, your experience from your past relationship caused your fears to involve in a new relationship. In your mind now, the same brokenness will happen again so you chose to be single until you find that person you have been looking for.
Of course, it will be the opposite of your ex. So you are extra careful before deciding to accept a new man in your life. You have the qualities of your ideal man that a guy must possess.
So when you met someone and lacks a certain criteria (that you thought), you easily got discouraged. You lose your interest even to a simple deed that you forgot it is a normal behavior of a man. Worst is, you judge a person right away and overthinks a situation that does not exist yet.
Heal your Self First
Accepting your failures in life does not happen in a short span of time. You have been hurt, mistreated, cheated. These are instilled in your heart and mind to a point you will ask yourself, am I not good enough?
With this anxiety and inferiority you feel now, healing yourself is hard to achieve. You will continue to live with the heart of a stone.
You do not need to go to a place to meditate to heal. Which means it starts within you. Accept you have failures but remember, you are not a failure.
Love yourself by having a positive mind, that life is a beautiful gift you must take care of, put in your mind you are blessed and be thankful you exist, throw all baggage and give yourself time to mingle again with your friends and give yourself to meet and know someone.
I understand you why you are single and not ready to mingle because I was once like you. Why it took me so long to have a new relationship was because I always think I am not yet totally free. (no Divorce in the Philippines) So when someone expresses interest on me, I said no right away.
In my judge mental mind, men are all the same and it is impossible to be happy. It is a waste time as we cannot be wed because of my situation. See?
I think of marriage right away. I judged a situation that is yet to happen. But as I grow older ( and matured), I learned to accept myself that I am not perfect and nobody does.
I changed my outlook in life not only in my love life but my whole self.
I have finished my degree, I now wear lipstick and I go out with my friends. Before, I rarely smile especially to men but now, I become friendlier and wears a smiling face even to strangers. That is how I met my new man. Yes, I am a single mom but not single anymore.
Give your new self a chance to meet someone and if he comes, just go with the flow. Cherish every moment of your life with him and avoid too much expectations but always pray.
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