Gaslighting: How to Avoid Falling Into The Trap of a Gaslighter

Gaslighting is a manipulation strategy, used to gain power. And unfortunately, it only works too well.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation with which a person or an entity, in order to acquire power, pushes his victim to doubt reality. And it works much better than you think.

We are all likely to become the victims of gaslighting and it is a technique commonly used by violent people, dictators, narcissists and cult gurus. It is inflicted little by little, so that the victim does not realize that he is being brainwashed. In the movie Gaslight, for example, a man manipulates his wife to the point where she believes she has lost her mind.

The more you know about the gaslighting, the easier it is to identify them and avoid falling into the trap of a gaslighter.

People who use gaslighting techniques , generally put in place the following tactics:

1. They are brazenly lying.

You know that it is purely and simply a lie. And yet, he tells you by looking you straight in the eye. Why are they so shameless? Because they are trying to set up a scheme. Once you’ve been told a lie, you doubt the truth of anything the person says. The goal is to make you unstable and confused.

2. They deny having said anything, even if you have evidence to the contrary.

They know very well that they told you that they would do this or that; you know you heard right. But they deny it again and again. This leads you to doubt your reality – maybe in fact, they never said it. And the more they do that, the more you doubt your reality and end up accepting theirs.

3. They transform what is near and dear to you into a weapon.

They know how important your children are to you, just as they know how important your identity is to you. So these will probably be the first things they will tackle. If you have children, they will tell you that you should not have had them. They will tell you that you would be much more valuable if you did not have all of these faults. They will attack the basics of your being.

4. They will try to have you wear.

This is one of the most insidious aspects of gaslighting – it is gradually injected over time. A lie here, and another there, a devious comment from time to time … And it will grow. Even the brightest, most aware person can be a victim of gaslighting. This refers to the metaphor of the “boiled frog”: we put the water to heat at low temperature, so that the frog does not realize what is happening to it.

5. Their actions do not match their claims.

When you are faced with a person or entity that uses gaslighting, you must focus on what they are doing, rather than what they are saying. Their words have no value, they are just words. What they do is the whole problem.

6. They inject positive comments to confuse you.

This person or entity that belittles you and tells you you are worthless is now showering you with compliments. And that adds an even greater feeling of unease. You tell yourself that maybe it is not that bad. Yes, it is. It is a calculated attempt to keep you in a state of confusion – and to make you doubt your reality, again. Also pay attention to the thing he compliments, it’s definitely something that will serve him.

7. They know that confusion weakens people.

Gaslighters know very well that people need normality and stability. Their goal is to uproot these feelings and make you doubt everything. And humans have a natural tendency to seek out the person or entity that will help them feel more stable – and this is often the person or entity responsible for the gaslighting.

8. They project their actions onto you.

Like a drug addict or an unfaithful person, they constantly accuse you of what they did. And it happens so often that you end up having to defend yourself and thus, you forget the behavior of the person using gaslighting tactics.

9. They try to pit others against you.

People who use gaslighting are masters of manipulation : they also excel at finding people who will stay by their side no matter what – and they use these people against you.

They will make remarks to you of the type: “X knows that you are wrong” or “X also knows that you are useless”. Be careful, this does not mean that these people said such things. A gaslighter lies all the time. And when a gaslighter uses these tactics, it feels like you don’t know who to trust or whom to turn to – which brings you straight back into your arms. And that’s exactly what they want: isolating yourself gives them control.

10. They tell others that you are insane.

It is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it is dismissive. The gaslighter knows that if he questions your mental health, people will not believe you when you tell them that he is violent and that he is out of control. It is an expert technique.

11. They tell you that the others are all liars.

By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media, etc.) are liars, they make you doubt your reality again. You have never met someone who is so daring, that is why he tells you the truth, necessarily … It is a manipulation technique. This causes people to turn to the gaslighter for the “right” information – which is just a lie.

The more you know about these techniques, the easier it is to identify them and avoid falling into the trap of a gaslighter.

PS: Learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of your life starting today.

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Gaslighting: How to Avoid Falling Into The Trap of a Gaslighter

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