Others Are Not Responsible for Our Happiness. We are.

Others Are Not Responsible for Our Happiness. We are.

You are responsible for your happiness. We have to feel that we have free control over our lives; that we have in hand what happens to us and that we can actively shape our lives .

Are you dissatisfied, lacking in motivation and often frustrated? Do you often get angry with your friends, colleagues or family members and think that you would be better off when the others finally started to behave properly?

Then you make a big, fundamental mistake:

You don’t take your life into your own hands but let others determine it!

You are responsible for your happiness.

The fact is,  it is not your husband or wife’s, boyfriend or girlfriend’s job to make you happy. Others don’t have to recognize what you need and have it at your feet.

So the problem isn’t your boss, the idiot who still hasn’t realized that you deserve a promotion. The problem is yourself. More specifically, the problem is your passivity.

That sounds hard at first, but let me explain what I mean.

For a happy and fulfilling life, it is essential that we feel self-determined.

We have to feel that we have free control over our lives; that we have in hand what happens to us and that we can actively shape our lives .

You are not a victim of your circumstances, but a designer of your life!

So do not wait for others to make you happy: the long-awaited recognition of the mother, the salary increase by the boss, your repentant ex who wants to win you back. That won’t happen, or if it does, it won’t bring you the bliss you hoped for.

RECOMMENDED BOOK: The Happy Life Formula: How to Build Your Life Around the New Science of Happiness

How To Take Responsibility For Your Own Happiness

Others Are Not Responsible for Our Happiness. We are.

1. Live independently

You are the only person who can make you happy . So start getting active.

What do I mean?

Are you dissatisfied? Then ask yourself:

What can I do to become more satisfied?” Don’t pass the responsibility on to others. Others probably won’t be able to tell you what you need anyway. You have to come up with your own solutions.

Are you struggling with a problem? Then ask yourself:

What can I do to solve my problem?

Take your problems into your own hands, deal with them and develop your own ideas. If an idea should read: I need professional help, it is completely OK and a good result. Of course, you can always ask for advice or seek professional help as long as you are the one who deliberately chooses to do so.

Would you like to live differently than before? Then ask yourself:

“What can I do to make my dreams come true?”

You maybe thinking of winning the lottery … you definitely don’t need 10 million to make your dreams come true. Most are much cheaper to implement or completely free of charge. How about a non-binding consultation if you want to start your own business? Or how about signing up for singing lessons when you want to be a professional singer?

2. Take active control of your life

I know the idea is terrifying that we ourselves have to do something for our happiness. It would be so much easier if we could blame other people.

But look at it this way: other people are not always the smartest and often they don’t have time. However, if you take matters into your own hands, you can do them right away and you also know best what you like and what you need .

I promise you it is an incredibly good feeling to take responsibility for your own life and happiness. It makes sense of what you are doing and what makes it easier for you to get out of bed in the morning.

That’s your life! Be aware that you decide whether you are happy or not . You decide how you want to spend the day and you decide with whom, where and how you want to spend your life.

RECOMMENDED BOOK: The Happy Life Formula: How to Build Your Life Around the New Science of Happiness

3. Start getting active

Getting active means:

  • Act instead of just react
  • Set your own goals and pursue them
  • Actively change the things you are dissatisfied with
  • To better understand your own thoughts, actions and behaviors and, if necessary, to change them
  • Letting go actively which makes you unhappy
  • Find out what you really want
  • To be good to yourself

4. Self-determination

What to do if we cannot be self-determined?

When we can choose and decide for ourselves we are happiest. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to do your own thing.

What can we do if we have to meet the requirements of others?

Many jobs require us to be in a certain place and to do a certain task at a certain time because another person tells us. But nobody wants to do something for someone else that you may not even really know if you are not behind the task yourself.

Whenever we feel like we have to do something, we don’t like to do it . This is a natural law, right from childhood.

So the best solution would be to quit the job and look for something else where we can work more independently. But if that doesn’t work, there is another solution. In a way, we outsmart ourselves by pretending to be fully behind the prescribed task.

The key is to internalize the respective tasks and requirements (internalization in technical jargon). So if we can’t decide for ourselves, then we can at least try to understand why something has to be done like this.

And then we adopt the concept. So we have to understand why what we do is so important and why we should do it this way. In this way, we can fully support ourselves, which immediately makes us more satisfied.

Not the nicest solution, but if you don’t have a choice, it’s definitely a good way to keep a little bit of self-determination.

5. Through activity in a self-determined life

If we only ever react, agree and do what others say, we live outside of the company. But that is not good for us and results in dissatisfaction and lack of drive.

A self-determined life requires that we become active ourselves. Others are not responsible for our happiness. We are . We have to stand up for our rights.

Remove the shackles of foreign determination and take your life into your own hands.


PS: If you’re into the science of happiness and positive emotions, check out this book, The Happy Life Formula. It’s all about creating more happiness in our lives so that we can become not only happier, but also healthier and more successful


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